The Ancient Scrolls
Who in the what?
September 10, 2018
Sorry, But Once Again We've Scheduled a Meeting on Your Jewish Holiday
Tired of the Jewish holidays not receiving the respect they deserve? Me too. Published by McSweeney's Internet Tendency.
July 02, 2018
Always Great Ideas for Katie Nolan
Writing samples I made for Katie Nolan, host of the ESPN+ show Always Late with Katie Nolan. She did not hire me, but these are still pretty awesome.
November 13, 2016
My 2016 Presidential Candidate Play Dates
Spend some quality time reminiscing with Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, and shoulda, woulda, coulda Bernie Sanders.
September 23, 2016
Being a Superhero in this Utopia Sucks
It's hard being a superhero in a utopia. Previously published by the now defunct The Higgs Weldon.
July 11, 2016
We’ve Cast a Tiger to Play the Next James Bond
Musing on the best choice to play the next James Bond. Published by The Reject Pile.
February 12, 2016
Finding Love Through Meetup Groups
Advice on finding the right Meetup group to fit your romantic life. Published by The Reject Pile.
January 16, 2015
An Open Letter to Semicolon Abusers
Learn how to use semicolons. Published by McSweeney's Internet Tendency.
September 02, 2014
A Moveable Pee
On the difficulties of urinating in Paris. Published by Hobo Pancakes.
February 18, 2014
The General Manager of the Philadelphia 76ers Apologizes to the Team’s Fans
Our Lord and Savior Sam Hinkie admits to some early flaws of The Process. Published by McSweeney's Internet Tendency.
October 23, 2013
How I Want to Die
A prescient musing on the end of my life. Published by Defenestration.