Do they say “from the bottom of my heart”
to convey depth?
If so that’s sweet,
thoughtful intention’s kiss as a metaphor,
but it also sounds like a whole lot of heart
decided to strategically avoid the situation,
which is, you know, concerning,
so I’m sending this message from the top
and the bottom
and all the sides of my heart,
I’m sending this message because
the oldest words of love I know
are caveman grunts carved into stone
and I’ve always wanted to rewrite the history
of saying “my heart was broken”
because I don’t believe
we shatter
or crack
or get torn apart from the inside out,
because clearly there you are,
alive and saying your heart was broken,
which seems to prove it wasn’t,
which, I know, may be taking the metaphor too literally,
but from the loves of my life
and the work of my life,
which has nothing to do with my checking account
and everything to do with checking in with my heart,
and which has plunged me unimaginably deep into mystery,
I ask does your heart break
or does your heart change?
Did someone break your heart
or did you experience a change of heart?
Will your heart mend
or will your heart be changed forever?
I draw a buffalo on a cave wall
pierced by a spear and bleeding out
because we have yet to agree on a grunt
for “the big hurt thing in me” or “I fell in love”,
a grunt for “how I feel right now” or “it always happens too soon”,
and as loud as you hear your dreams
wailing out to what you lost
hear that if you fell in love
you are no longer who you were before,
you can no longer cling to your history,
so plunge instead into the strong soft of your chest,
uncertain,
blind,
brimming with possibility.